Tuesday, May 18, 2010

If I Can Dream - Episode 12 - It is STILL a Dream

I'll be the first to tell you, episode 12 was not an easy episode to watch. I already knew what this particular episode was going to be about. Normally, with any other show, I would have probably steered clear of watching it. But, like my friends in the Dream House, you have to learn to accept the good as well as the bad news. That is part of of life. Unfortunately, being an actor, musician, or model, life is full of rejection and you learn to deal with the word "no". Okay, enough of that rant. Like an actor, I had to emotionally prepare myself to watch what I knew would be difficult scenes to watch. I traditionally watch the episodes early in the morning when it is quiet.

It is funny, even though I knew the outcome of this, I was still emotionally attached to the people in If I Can Dream. Some may say that is creepy. Well, I just like to see people doing what they love to do. I feel terrible inside when I see someone's dreams dashed. It wasn't any less emotional for me even though I knew how this story would end.

I think back to the morning that Michael appeared at the house, with camera and sound guys in tow, to have a meeting with all the residents of the Dream House. I knew something major was about to happen. Sometimes, even though there is a great distance involved, you can sense the emotional energy through the video. I watched the meeting and made a Tweet comment that this was one of those "I speak and you listen" meetings. And it was.

It was now good to finally see the portions after that mornnig meeting that we could see. It was like the viewers had seen the start and the end of a story. But had missed the bridge between the beginning and the end. Most of us knew that there are people in the house that are safe, meaning that, barring a major problem, would probably never be asked to leave. Michael has a keen sense of knowing where the bumps in the road were at. I watched as they individually came into this office to their meetings.

At first, I wasn't too attached to Ben or Kara. But, after this, and some of the events in the house, they have become my favorites. I could see that Ben very much wanted to be there. In my mind, Ben has come along way since he first got there. Michael agreed and Ben was going to stay right there. They all agreed that they had some weaknesses. But, as Giglianne is fond of saying, " I have to step it up," is so true of all of them. Gig has grown immensely in the last month of photo shoots. Justin is getting the opportunities of a life time and is heading road the right path. Alex is full of talent and drive. And, as Michael said, Alex still needs to grow up alittle. Finally, it was Amanda's turn. There was where I started to get tears in my eyes.

It was so difficult to see Amanda speak on what she had long remained silent on. We all knew from scenes in the house, that she had problems with the lack of personal freedom. I had Tweeted her once that after being in the Navy for 20 years, I knew what she was talknig about. It was difficult for her to admit. This is one of the things I like about Amanda. Is that she is not afraid to speak her mind. It was clear that this had been something she had been thinking about for a while. Michael handled the situation very well. That has as probably hard for him as well as it was for Amanda.

At one point, Amanda got in the Fiesta to head home, she turned to the camera and said, "Did I just F up my life?" Amanda, I have been theer many times. I felt that way the day I joined the Navy at age 25. But, I made that decision because it was what I felt was the right thing to do. I am sure that Amanda knew that this was the right decision for her. She is a fighter and we wil see her again in Hollywood. Sure, she may have to struggle alittle. But, that is part of life. We've all had times that we struggled in order to do the things we want to do.

Then she got home. I am sure that was the longest drive back to the house for her. Now she had to face her friends, people she had grown close to over the last several months. We have all been in her position once or twice during our lives. So, we could relate what she was going through. Once at home, the tears continued agian. I remember watch the feed on that Friday night. That is about the most emotion I had seen in the Dream House. And,as being on the receiving end of sad news like this, I also knew what Kara and Ben were going through. My heart went out to Kara. I knew that the two of them had formed an emotional bond. And they relied on one another for support. It was really sad to watch Kara and Ben deal with Amanda's leaving the house. But they dealt with it well. I respect them so much and appreciate that they are sharing this part of their lives with us.

Some, like Alex and Giglianne, were not so surprised that Amanda had decided to leave. Their words were slightly stinging, were truthful and sincere. That is where that respect comes in. I respect them both for being honest and straight with themselves and with us. I know it wasn't easy to hear Alex say that he felt that Amanda just didn't put the time into her craft. And it wasn't easy to hear Giglianne say that she would not miss Amanda. Again, I may not agree with them. But I respect their opinions.

Okay, now the episode is over and we're down to five in the house. Now everyone is back and is focused with the matter at hand. This is one of those emotional low points. We have them. We've all been through them. And we all have dealt with them. Everyone in the house has clearly learned a valuable lesson from Amanda's departure. One lesson, which I think sunk in even deep through this event, is that you have to make some personal sacrafices in order to get to where you want to be in life. All our Dreamers, Alex, Ben, Kara, Giglianne, and Justin have their eyes on the prize.

That my my blog for this Super Tuesday. I know, he's quiet all week until Tuesday. well, I don't write unless I have something to say. I guess that is the journalist in me coming out. After all, I spent 20 years as a journalist in the Navy. I wrote on alot of things that others wanted me to write on. Now, it's my turn. I want to hear what your thoughts are, good or bad. Speak your mind.


  1. Loved hearing your thoughts on this week. I think a lot of people will have at least two cents to put in after this episode! I agree, I was a little surprised to hear what Gig and Alex had to say about Amanda leaving, too!

  2. I have to say I'm not surprised at Alex or Gig's comments. There was always friction between Alex and Amanda. And Gig doesn't seem to be close to anyone except maybe Alex. I cried watching the clip and the episode. It was very sad and the house is not the same. You could always count on Amanda to speak her mind. Thanks for the blog. You have wonderful insights and much wisdom to share. I hope the artists keep up with this.
    I've become very attached to Kara and Ben as well. I think Justin is talented and funny. Alex is talented but has MUCH growing up to do. He tends to be a bit self centered and obnoxious at times. Giglianne needs to open up more. She's VERY reserved. I get the feeling she's afraid to look silly. She has the looks to make it as a model, but we see no substance of character with her. If she would let go once in a while I think we'd see a beautiful person both inside and out.